throw me off on that plane (geometrically speaking)

Sometimes I feel I’m at war with another half of myself, but she’s also my only best friend.
Have you ever wondered if there always was an objective existence of yourself, like a twin but living within you? She makes you perceive things differently than reality. Because, from a philosophical stand, our perception is all we have to define human “meaning”
Example: someone does something ambiguous and you want it to mean something, or have motive behind it. maybe the ultimate truth is that is just doesn’t. Why can’t we leave it alone? Why must it mean something? So we attach whatever meaning we want. But then that other part of us tells us we’re wrong and then tries to make us see it the way we don’t want. Because most of the time it turns out that what we don’t want is the thing that’s best for us. Like medicine. So you have this whole internal thing going on and you’re teaching yourself when really that person who did that ambiguous thing has not one fucking clue and really did mean nothing significant by whatever they did… certainly nothing personal to you. But still there’s a lot going on, on your end even if they are unaware that they triggered it. Most of my life is this, constantly having these kind of intensely intimate relations with people that they know nothing about. It’s sort of like the film Amelie but x1000
It seems most of what we feel (or at least I feel) is based solely on what I perceive and interpret. It’s disheartening when you don’t trust yourself anymore, or your own rationality. I don’t think I ever see anything how it truly is, particularly and significantly concerning human relationships and emotion. I constantly escape to my own inner world. Some people are just meant to be alone.