because i am obsessed with quite a few people. i stalk them and find ways to find out all i can know. i want to see so much, but never to harm them of course. Actually, it's because i love truly seeing people and all the lovely shades of their humanity. i am a class A, damn near professional nosey snoop. sorry if it's offensive to you. but seriously if someone were rummaging through all my most personal possessions just because they were burning livid hot with curiosity about me, i would be endlessly flattered.
i feel like no one is obsessed with me. no one ever seems to be paying any fucking attention. am i that boring on the outside? i don't believe anyone is boring.
I am probably just one of those non-American minded people that feels foreign within my own culture. Because I like it better when a group is connected is a honest, self-relenting way and every one is primarily concerned with the group's well being instead of that cut throat "every man for himself" attitude. i like when people help each other and care for each other. i like when we're all being so considerate and sensitive to another's state of mind/emotions/ needs etc.
sure i like alone time and i need to get away from being social sometimes. but i always want that extremely intimate, tender connection with people. i feel like almost no one i know is receptive to that sort of thing though. people have too much shame, too much sense of distrust, too much self-absorbedness.
if you bothered to read this, then you were seeking me out in some way and i probably am obsessed with you. truly.. really i actually very likely am. and i love you
i still want to go over to my friend's house and just spend the night and sleep in their bed with them like we did when we were little kids. but, no, there's much too much sexual implication now. it's too "weird"
can we hug more and play with each others hair? im probably actually one of those annoying touchy feely people. i want to be close to people all the time. tooooo close.
but most of my friends wouldn't describe me that way. they have no idea im like that.
i think i put on a good facade of what appears "normal" but at the end of the day i am completely frustrated, sad and love-deprived.
if i had no inhibition i would hug people every time i saw them, take their hands more (boy or girl, doesnt matter) etc. like you do with your family. kiss their face.
but you cant just go around doing that. people get upset.
I also just spend SO much time delving into someone's past and asking all kinds of questions. if i go to their house i go through all their things that are out in the open. i go through all their things in the bathroom. i should probably be ashamed at my total disregard for privacy...but somehow im just not.
it's only because i think they are a fascinating person and i don't think they're showing me who they are when we're face-to-face. i want to see more. so i go looking for it in the debris of their life.
i peruse facebook and old myspace blogs... do google searches.. look up their old high school. i feel like all this is normal... but it jsut seems to me that everyone else would call that stalking.
God, maybe i'm just a freak. oh well.
i still think people should get more obsessed with each other.
it's fucking so sweet and flattering.
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