desire

not that kind.

this is more fundamental, closer to human origin, to the roots of beingcloser to the first kind of love. just like the first rain in Spring when it rouses out tiny buds of life from their partial-death hiatusi want what i cant have, and i love it still even though I know full well that it has no potential.but i dont care. its the only shred of hope ive ever had concerning it, so why should i stop?it is fed with fantasy, made-up scenarios....a complete internal world.only a frame of a human being and Ive added my favorite thingsyes, its unhealthy but we humans favor the things that are worst for us: chocolate cupcakes and french fries, coffee and cigarettes.i am no exceptioni am no exception to this love, this desire. Though my whole life has been about its absence.everything that is wrong with me, can be traced along the fissures of my soul, leading back to the origin again. leading back to that root cause....so fundamental this love