Social Disappointment

Sometimes it's too hard figuring out what people want. It's such an elusive thing, tying that down and conquering it.
I want to believe that I don't care whether I matter to people, but that's a lie. It's true I don't care what they think...about my beliefs, actions, appearance, etc.
But that ultimate dismissal of me overall of my whole self, the blank empty look in the eye of disinterest and boredom; the hazed over mishandling I've recieved; the failure to connect...that I can't take.
Because I know I have a lot to offer. I like myself a lot. In a healthy way, I am in love with myself, but not in conceitedness or pride, just honest perception of who I really am. There's a peace in knowing yourself inside out and being wholly satisfied with it. I cant live without other people, but I really am my own best friend....best friend.

The trouble is wanting too much intimacy with people. Something in me demands absolute genuine and honest portrayal from others. I try looking into people but they often wont let me in. Maybe I only look too much and not say enough. People respond to talking much better, whne you put yourself out in the open first, verbally. Everyone has their own fancy as well. We all like particular things...
It's silly to like someone else just because you have the same hobbies, you work in the same place, you have the same shirt, or you both like the movie Twilight or Harry Potter.

I dislike trivial connections, and I always want to skip past it and get to the ultimately comfortable presence of being with someone, platonic. Most people just like to have those phases of disclosure. I have to stop assuming people like themselves as much as I like myself, that they are comfortable within. People have things to hide.

I want people to come into me, to see all of me. Im not shy. Im not ashamed of anything that I am. I am so outrageously honest. I have no sense of privacy. I have no modesty. Im not as meek as people think.
I project myself onto others, assume they're just as comfortable. Maybe their dismissal shouldn't be taken so personally.