I T I H A T

everyone, if even only for a moment, contemplates the possibility of what it would be like to have a twin.

i have odd moments where i feel not alone when i am alone. there are so many mysteries surrounding my birth, some oddities and unexplained things.

not that I'm saying i truly think i have a twin...i mean I've seen my birth certificate. but it's fun to think about.

looking in the mirror feels not just familiar or even about myself. its like looking at someone i know really well.

maybe its all about division within self and mistaking it for something else.

i seem to never be wholly satisfied with anything. i love the "everything" category in all parts of life: supreme pizza, rainbows, everything bagels, the packages where you tour it all...

sometimes I'm an extrovert, sometimes introvert.

I'd say 54% I and 46% E

i feel removed moments of comfort, things i find within myself...extreme inner happiness, like it's a talent.

every mystery about the fiber of my being: the yearning, the frustrated at nothing sense, the peculiar connectedness with myself, seeing my own face like its a dear friend separate from me

seems too small and easy of an explanation.

^^^^^^^^<<<<<>>>>>>^^^^^^^^^

desire

not that kind.

this is more fundamental, closer to human origin, to the roots of beingcloser to the first kind of love. just like the first rain in Spring when it rouses out tiny buds of life from their partial-death hiatusi want what i cant have, and i love it still even though I know full well that it has no potential.but i dont care. its the only shred of hope ive ever had concerning it, so why should i stop?it is fed with fantasy, made-up scenarios....a complete internal world.only a frame of a human being and Ive added my favorite thingsyes, its unhealthy but we humans favor the things that are worst for us: chocolate cupcakes and french fries, coffee and cigarettes.i am no exceptioni am no exception to this love, this desire. Though my whole life has been about its absence.everything that is wrong with me, can be traced along the fissures of my soul, leading back to the origin again. leading back to that root cause....so fundamental this love