the way the carpet feels on bare feet. and how the smell of my grandma's house always leaves with me in my hair.

Here’s what I said to myself earlier:
“Maybe you should just stop caring, let your life get easier
stop trying so hard to find meaning where there isn't any.
certain things you must let go.”

You ever feel like maybe you're just a gay man trapped in a girl's body? Over and over drawn to men of questionable sexuality. You never know until later, maybe even before they know themselves. Like your attraction alone is the perfect natural radar.
Men keep looking at you like a sex object… never seems quite right. It just repulses you, yet still there's something about the idea of penetration that's enthralling yet piggishly disgusting. That’s how I find the female in me still. But I’ve never really belonged to either gender.

Why is it we’re always waiting for people to become fascinated with the tiny details of our lives? In the end I’m all who noticed and cared. I like watching movies that follow someone around and examine the tiny details of their lives. They just sit and eat a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios and that’s all and there will be a five minute scene about it…. So dreadfully long. How many times did you look away? i could watch someone’s life like that forever and waste mine watching another’s. If I had three wishes I’d ask for three lifetimes to sit and do nothing but watch through the eyes of the three most “boring” lives. And see what they see forever, and hear their thoughts and maybe get a trickling feeling of their emotions too.