I have absolutely nothing to say. I just wanted to contribute another entry, useless as it may turn out to be. Sometimes great things emerge with these kinds of starts. But I like to approach things without expectation, even though that’s quite difficult. Expectation can be a dangerous thing.
Today is Rob’s birthday (Nick’s brother). He was really disappointed when I told him I wasn’t interested in having children in my lifetime. He said he always envisioned me as a great mom; he really was sorely disappointed. Could I really be another good one in the world? According to FB word count, I use “really” a lot. That must get really annoying.
But shuffle me on back to my topic: Mothers.
I don’t want to be one. Good parents are rare, and they definitely have my utmost respect and reverence. But being a parent is a life choice and it is NOT right for all people. Just we because we are all hard-wired to do it doesn’t mean it suits each of us. It’s seems like nature’s urging… this desire to procreate and keep the species going. But I don’t care. There are plenty of people in the world, over 6 billion. Me not having children will never harm the human race.
Sometimes you just get lost thinking within the big picture. I know it’s noble to strive for the “greater good” and if I’m such a good person I should be bringing more good people into the world. Yet, there are certain things you must create your own ‘corner of the universe’ for.
Bringing human life onto the planet is done simply and it happens every single day. To nature and to the grander scheme of things, it is no big deal at all. But to me, it’s the scariest thing ever. Something in me writhes in discomfort thinking of a living breathing being packed with half my genetics and blood. I always say I like myself so much, so it’s a contradiction that this thought would bother me. Parents often make the mistake of seeing their children as extensions of themselves, instead of individual people. So hating the idea of making a human from yourself... is that really self-hate? Then I’m always advocating children as separate entities from their parents. So this shouldn’t bother me, but then it does. I make no sense. It’s hard to look at the whole act of a child created as one unbiased completely objective being. I can look at it as a child, which is what I existed as first. Then I can look at it as a parent (potential parent) and it will be entirely different. Although, it shouldn’t be.
It’s always going to be a dualistic display to me. I can never look at it in a complete way.
I have been a child, nature urges me to the other side, where I become the parent now. I can’t ever see the situation as one thing. I feels like I’d be two different people.
Other reasons I don’t want to have children:
-I don’t know if I can honestly make that kind of sacrifice. I want my freedom. I want to be able to do whatever I want without a child needing me all hours of the day.
-It’s expensive
-When kids scream and cry for a stupid reason I just laugh and get childish with them. This is horrible discipline.
-I’m a bit of a hypocrite and there really is nothing more annoying and disheartening in a parent than hypocrisy.
-I don’t want to go through long painful childbirth and wreck my body
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